New Recruits Part 6: Spooky Club Updates

It's February the 1st today so congratulations to all of you. I'm not sure why but I think you've probably done something good recently. 

It's now three months since we launched Spooky Club online. Alongside this we offered people the chance to apply for membership. Initially we wanted to send out some patches and other goodies to everyone, but those plans were postponed as we thought it'd be some kind of bad omen to do this around Christmas. Who knows, Santa Claus may have stomped our heads with his massive boots for treading on his turf. Probably not, but I'm going to use this as an excuse for being too busy to put it all together in time.

However, we're still planning to send out membership packs this year, probably closer to October, when we start putting together our next Halloween Special. So all those that sent us an email, we haven't forgotten you. And for all those that haven't, you can still do so by clicking HERE.

To date, we've had over 100 people apply and amongst that number we've been told about a lot of extremely disturbing 'talents' that people have.

There's been quite a few mentions of 'shit' and 'butts' and what people can do with them. I forwarded those emails straight to Disgusting Club HQ, straight after I was sick.

Not sure if I should report a guy who said that they kill children with chainsaws. If this has actually happened near you, get in touch and we'll work together to put them behind bars.

One person's ability is that they lost their horse and another said they were skilled in having ginger hair. I'm not really sure how spooky those things are, but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.

Five people actually had the exact same ability of being able to bend their fingers back a ridiculous amount.

It turns out a lot of people live in haunted houses or make regular pilgrimages to haunted locations and graveyards. Also, everyone loves Vincent Price. RIP.

I'll finish on quoting one submission that we had. Can't really write anything else after this.

"One time I squirted blood out of my dick instead of cum. Afterwards my piss stank of rotten trout."

That guy has got a lifetime ban.

2016: Beyond the Thunderdome 2

Happy New Year. I hope 2016 was kind to you. 

 Filming Canned Peaches at Pinewood Studios

Filming Canned Peaches at Pinewood Studios

2016 started with us being in the Dominican Republic where it was really warm. Some cool dudes were kind enough to invite us there to help film a movie called Canned Peaches.

Shortly after returning to the UK we went to Portemeirion in Wales to shoot some segments for Canned Peaches. One of our actors got so cold that we all had to rub different parts of his body for about fifteen minutes. Nope, this didn’t include his cock.

 Five minutes before Aidan nearly died of hyperthermia

Five minutes before Aidan nearly died of hyperthermia

The film took up a large chunk of the year. We locked down our edit in May, shortly after filming the final shot which involved Lloyd dribbling some tinned peaches down his chin.

In the second half of the year we were able to find the time to make two shorts. The first was Dead Bird Pocket which you can see below.

You can read about the process of making the film HERE. It seemed to go down well online and we still have the dead bird in the freezer at home. I think it’s my favourite short film we’ve ever done and I’m proud that it was shot entirely by our family, at our parents house with a budget of £20.

In October we shot Spooky Club. You can see it below and read about it HERE.

Spooky Club got a vimeo staff pick and was posted around the internet by some well read sites like io9, firstshowing and digg. Vincent Price’s daughter emailed us to say she loved it, which was a highlight for us. We’ve actually had some cool ideas for a feature version of the short, so we might start work on that this year.

Aside from that, we’ve been doing a lot of writing. We’re currently working on the latest draft of a pirate adventure film called Dead Man’s Island. I’ve posted the first page of our treatment for it below. Hopefully one day we’ll get to make it. It’s really good, I hope.

Let’s hope 2017 is a good one. Don’t take shit from any mother fucker, even if they are offering you magic beans. Chances are they won’t work unless you have particularly fertile soil.

Spooky Club


Now it’s time to give you a bit of writing about our second ever Halloween Special, Spooky Club. We had such fun making Death Master’s House last year that we couldn’t resist following up the tradition. You can see Death Master’s House below and read our production blog by clicking here.

We actually wrote about 10 different scripts that we considered filming but never quite felt happy with them. Most were really good but if at some point in any script there’s the line “then something else happens” or “fuck it all, this is all just shit” you know that it’s time to move onto something else. I don’t think the script or any notes for Spooky Club contained any of the aforementioned phrases so we knew we were on to a winner!

That weekend I ate like a king. By king I mean that I had a disgusting Mac and Cheese Pot Noodle and a chip cob. Evidence of the latter is below.

We spent ages carving pumpkins for this film. Here’s a picture of us carving pumpkins for the film. I hope you enjoy it.


We shot Spooky Club in Sherwood Forest, at the same place that we filmed Death Master’s House. Because of our budget and time constraints we had to camp there. However, Rowan (who played Whitby) stood in dog shit and managed to smear it all over the inside of his tent. This meant he had to join myself, Lloyd and Michael (who played Franklin) in sleeping in our production HQ, which was a dark room with no heating and a hard concrete floor. Michael compared it to the Hilton, but I suspect he was lying due to the fact it was nothing like the Hilton.

Our luxuries extended to a bag of Candy Corn, which has to be imported over to the UK as the food colourings in them are illegal over here. When I was younger I used to go hyperactive when I consumed Sunset Yellow and Tartrazine (orange) colourings. My Mum once had to fetch me from a friend’s birthday party when I started dancing on a table with an upturned bowl of crisps on my head. Apparently I was also foaming at the mouth. Unfortunately the effects aren’t so pronounced nowadays and my fun factor only increases by around 10% as opposed to the 200% increase of old.

Filming itself was mostly a lot of fun. We only planned on shooting for one day but the camera’s hard drive decided to freak out for a few hours, which meant we lost all the daylight we needed to finish up. One of our actors was unavailable on the second day so we had to scrap all the footage we had in the can and do a rewrite so that she wasn’t needed. It worked out well in the end but unfortunately for Clare, she got kicked out of Spooky Club. What a bummer! Here’s a picture from a scrapped scene where Clare was involved in the heist.

Another issue we had was the resident dogs at the property. Max, a fifteen year old Alsatian, is on his last legs so often wandered into shots, slumped on the ground and then made noises as if he was about to die. Being a huge dog, with legs that barely worked, it wasn’t easy to move him once he collapsed. He also enjoyed eating our pumpkins. I’m not sure how healthy they are for dogs but at least he’s close to the end anyway. Also, don’t look closely at Max’s dick in this picture. He’s got a stiffy and it’s a bit rank

Rowan really enjoyed getting to portray Whitby, the halloween king, again. I think he especially enjoyed the hour long makeup process and the half an hour it took to remove at the end of the night. Michael also had to have a full face of makeup which he struggled to remove.  At least now he’s doing his thing to transcend all race barriers by cultivating his own brand of grey skin.

For the voice of Alfred The Creep we got in touch with the awesome co-director of Swiss Army Man, Daniel Schienert (who's one half of the directing duo, Daniels). They make amazing films, music videos and commercials and also have really nice American voices that make us British people sound like awful, boring nerds. Daniel was kind enough to record a load of lines and email them over to us. They are probably the highlight of the film.

For anyone interested in the technical side of things, we shot our film on the Digital Bolex with Veydra lenses, using three F&V LED light panels and two Dedo Lights.

As we are always on a super tight budget (aka poor), we never have a director of photography, gaffer, sound man or anything that extends past a group of friends banding together to take on numerous jobs that no one is remotely qualified to do. It’s often very stressful but we get the job done and keep costs down. I think the cost of this short totalled around £200.

We also had six people playing the Alfred The Creep during the weekend. If you weren’t busy and were in the vicinity of the camera, chances are you ended up wearing the ghost sheet.

For some shots we used a dolly which I constructed using my non existent DIY skills the week before. It cost me about £50 and was made from items that I found at the local DIY store and some skateboard wheels and bearings I already had. It would have been much cheaper if I didn’t keep buying the wrong nuts and bolts. By the end of the week I lost count of how often I visited B&Q and I still don’t know what M6 roofing bolts are.

Oh yeah, as has become tradition, we threw all the pumpkins in a bush when we'd finished with them. It never gets old. Wanna see proof? Fine, we'e got it! See below.

Anyway, that’s all folks. Here’s some more pictures from the shoot. Thanks to Tom Crabb for taking a lot of them. Happy Haunts and thanks for checking this out!